Going home!

Today I wrap up and start my trip home. Just the thought of going home gets me pumped up. This is what's it's like in my head right now:

And on the 7th day he rested, or Tuesday, whichever comes first....

So the first day of the conference is over. What a long (long) day. Hours spent at the Google booth talking to people followed by my presentation on the main stage, followed by more booth conversations followed by preparation for tomorrow's sessions. I am SO tired. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I should start at the beginning, after all, I hear that's where most good stories start.

Depending on how you look at it, my day either started at 3:30 am or 5:30 am. 3:30 is when my good friend, Ambien, decided to leave me and I found myself staring at the ceiling contemplating whether or not Goa had creepy crawlies that scurried in the night. What was that? Did I feel something on my leg? Wait, now it's on my neck. Eek! No, nothing was there other than my paranoia. But these are the fun things your mind gets up to at 3:30 am with nothing else to do.

I fell back into a restless sleep to finally awake for the day at 5:30. Yup, it was gonna stick this time so I woke up and got to it. I put on the old gym clothes and headed for the gym to commence the daily ritual of pointlessly moving heavy objects and sweating more than I generally like to.

This morning, I noticed just how thick the air is here. In the early hours it's misty but cool (ish). As I returned to my room from the gym I noticed smoke rising from the bushes. At first I thought it was steam or fog from the ground. Then I noticed all the men with blowers who were blowing this smoke everywhere. I was hit by a smell that was somewhat like diesel exhaust. Then the thought occurred to me that I was breathing in some sort of bug killing smoke. Thanks for the cancer Grand Hyatt.

The morning was uneventful. I spoke with several nice CIO's and IT leaders and generally discussed Google's approach to helping businesses.

Then it was time for me to do my main stage presentation. I walked into the room I was going to present in and caught the end of the previous presenter. I didn't catch the whole thing but from what I could tell, it was an interesting take on mobile device use to drive increased sales performance. Nice.

I looked around the room and counted 25 people. Okay, I thought. I can do that. No big deal. That session ended and it was time for my session. We were setting up the slides and the video clips in the back of the room when I looked up and noticed 6 people in the audience. Ugh. Having nobody care to come is worse than the fear of speaking to a large crowd. I came all this way so I was going to go through my materials and call it a day. Then the conference worker assigned to the room came and asked me if it was okay to let people in. What? They hadn't let people in yet? Sure I said and the doors opened.

AH! There they were. 

The room sat 150. They ended up opening an identical room to accommodate everyone. While I realize they were there for Google and not me (who was I to them?) it still felt good. 

The session went great! No problems. Great crowd interaction. Then it was time to go back to the booth. This time when I went back thing were different. I wasn't just the only white guy at the Google booth. All of the sudden I had become the embodiment of Google (yes, the entire company). It was at this moment that I began to understand the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Brain Damage:

'Got to keep the loonies on the path'

Since I was from Google HQ I became the focal point for all things Google. Here are my favorite questions/comments:

• What did you do with Picasa?  
• Response: What do you mean? It's still there, just embedded inside Google +
• Them: What did you do with Picasa? How do I edit my photos? 
• Response: Like I just said, it's still there. It's just embedded inside of Google + (this is how that conversation continued for some time)
• So how do I buy a Nexus phone? It's not for sale in India. 
• Response: Our devices are generally sold through retailers or in the case of phones, through mobile carriers. I'm not sure what our distribution plans are but I can check around when I get home. 
• Them: I want to buy a Nexus phone but it's not for sale in India. (just like the picasa guy, this went on for like 5 mins until I pawned him off on a co-worker)
• I don't like the way Google music works. (luckily, that's where that conversation ended) 
• So tell me, what's the next BIG thing from Google. You know, like how inventing Search was big. 
• Response: We're always innovating and trying to do new things like self-driving cars and Google glass
• Them: yeah, we know about that stuff, but what's the next BIG thing (like self-driving cars isn't enough for people or like I'm going to share inside secrets.)
• Why won't Google prevent my employees from taking videos at work and posting them to the internet? (I won't even bore you with this full conversation but it went on for 15 mins and ended with this person quite frustrated that I wouldn't agree that Google should own policing his employees) 

Yes, keep the loonies on the path. Tomorrow is my last day then my epic journey home begins. 

Lions and tigers and elephants?

So.....

I had Monday morning off before work began on Monday afternoon. My driver from Sunday was quite persistent that he could show me around the local sights on Monday and have me back in time for my first meeting at 1:00.  He name is Ligorio and if you're ever in the Goa region you need to hook up with this guy. (+91 90 115 33468)

Side note on Ligorio. I first stepped into his car yesterday and we discussed what I wanted to see and he suggested a few places to go. Once that was settled, he cranked up the radio and sped off. He must have purchased a special radio that had a volume knob that went to 11 (for all you Spinal Tap fans) cuz he had that think cranked up and it was blaring 'The Final Countdown' from 80's heavy metal band Europe. That pretty much set the stage for our time together. Lingorio is 32 and drives like a bat out of hell. If you want to know what it's like to drive with him, imagine the scariest roller coaster you've ever been on, throw in some oncoming traffic driving in your lane (or actually, we were often driving in their lane) with 'The Final Countdown' playing at ear splitting levels and you'll begin to understand the experience. Once I realized that we weren't going to wreck and that there was some sort of unwritten law of the universe that allows traffic to flow the way it does in India, and it becomes a fun experience. We don't get to have any fun in the US! We should try driving in any lane we like and then we'll know what it's like to live.

Back to today.

The first place we went was Old Goa. It was here that I learned that the Portuguese ruled this part of India for almost 500 years. They only just left in 1961! (a fact that was mentioned to me no less than 20 times an hour). Because of their rule, Christianity is the major religion and there are old Catholic cathedrals to tour. This one was built in the 1500's:

The only reason it's a ruin is that the Portuguese government ordered it to be destroyed before they left. You can't tell from this photo, but the remains of this building were huge and the original structure was massive. Such a shame.

There were some other cathedrals still standing and in operation like this one:

The next stop was a spice farm. The place was 150 acres of think jungle but they had planted tons of different types of spices. I can't even remember them all but they had lemongrass, cinnamon, four types of pepper, these really tiny green chilies they said were 2000 time hotter than normal peppers, lavender, all spice,  and tons more.

This was also the home to some elephants. When we got there, there were some Russians who were getting an elephant bath:

Ah, comrades, you look like you're having such fun.

As for me, I was greeted in what I was told was the traditional fashion with a flower lei and a red dot placed on my forehead:

It was just a coincidence that I was wearing my Google Maps t-shirt that had the big red logo on it. Part of me thinks that they marked me to all the workers as a sucker because after I got that dot, everyone I ran into asked me for a tip. "Sir, tip for me sir?"

I didn't have my swim suit on but I couldn't let my former communist friends have all the fun with the elephants so I had to take a ride for myself.

This falls under the category of been there, done that. It was interesting but not life changing. Maybe it's like when you take a trail ride on a horse at home and they guide you on a known path going really slow. Maybe if I didn't have a guide and I could really ride the elephant how I wanted to, it would run widely through the thick jungle making that elephant trumpet noise while I did the Tarzan yell. (actually, I doubt it could run at all)

One final stop on the way back to the hotel at a local Hindu temple afforded me a quick look at some wonderful local archicture:

Paradise Lost

So I FINALLY made to to Goa. Over 48 hours in transit with all the long layovers. The airport is really small and very rural. They did, however, have this nice statue welcoming you:

Once again I found myself outside among the throng of people holding signs. I scanned the faces until I met eyes with a well-dressed young man holding my sign. That was the start of the 'Sir' brigade. Everything this young man, and every other well dressed, well mannered staff member of the Grand Hyatt, starts and ends each sentence with Sir.  "Sir, I will be assisting you today, Sir." If only Americans could remember what customer service was like and treat people as well as I am treated here.

The 30 min ride to the hotel was uneventful and full of wonderful jungle scenery (not to mention cows - they are free roaming and everywhere).

Here are some shots of the Grand Hyatt Goa. This place is off the hook nice:

My bed:

The grounds:

Ruins of an ancient building on the beach:

Main building:

The Spa:

Jacuzzi in the men's room at the spa:

Some notes on the Spa. After 48 of traveling I wanted to unwind so I came back to the spa after I had unpacked. There was nobody in the whole place so I had this enormous Jacuzzi, steam room (with scented steam) and sauna all to myself. No sooner had I settled into the jets in the Jacuzzi than a spa attendant appeared out of nowhere. He stood in the room and just watched me. While I realize that he was there to attend to my every need and would have biked to Bombay to get me a slice of pizza had I asked him, the fact that I was alone in what was essentially a large bath tub with him watching over me which was the very definition of the word creepy. I soon went into the steam room as I suspected that he wouldn't follow me in there. 

After I parted ways with Raj, my new BFF and bathtub buddy, I showered, dressed and hired a driver to go see some of Goa. The reason I titled this entry 'Paradise Lost' is that Goa is a tropical paradise but lost in many ways. In one way it's lost to the world as it is so remote that few will get to see it. In another, it's lost in that despite its potential for pristine beauty, the local culture and economics treat it poorly and much of the areas that are accessible by car are full of trash. From what I can tell, this is the Mazatlan of Russia and the Slavic countries. For them, this place is easy to get to and cheap. I walked up and down this beach:

and watched Indian nationals engage in water sports such as kit surfing, riding wave runners and para-sailing just as if they were on vacation in Mexico. I ate some shrimp and chips here: 

and watched a wonderful sunset:

The waiter commented on how he thought I was going to be Russian because of my fair skin. When I told him that I was American he was amazed. He said that he had never met an American on that beach before. I should have planted an American flag on the beach to commemorate the moment. 

NOTE TO MY MOTHER:

You're probably thinking that I put my health at risk by eating at a shack on the beach in India. I assure you that the dogs walking around my table were well behaved and for good measure I drank a Coke with my meal. We all know that Coke kills all known forms of bacteria so I'm okay. 

I'm here! (but not really)

I finally arrived in India but I've only made it to Mumbai (formally known as Bombay). I'm spending the night and then catching a flight to my final destination which is Goa. India is a trip (pun intended) but I'm getting ahead of myself. Before landing here, I spent 12 hours in Hong Kong.

I've been to Hong Kong 4 or 5 times previously so I was fine with a long layover. I knew that it was easy to get into town and they have great Chinese food there (or 'food' as the locals call it) and lots of stores to kick around in along with some great museums. This time, however, I choose a different route. This time, I decided to go to Disneyland Hong Kong to pass the time.

It opened at 10:30 and since I arrived at 5:45 am I had some time to kill. I first stopped into the Cathay Pacific business lounge where I had the most insanely good shower ever.

You've probably seen the showers that just rain down on you. Well, this was like that except that it was built into the ceiling and it was huge!

Vast amounts of water rained down on me and after a 14 hour flight it felt great. The only problem is trying see through the wall of water coming down. For the most part I felt blind. Not to mention the fact that being in a full body stream of water makes it impossible to use soap. It's washed away before you can really wash so I found myself turning the water off just to use the soap.

I think I pushed the time limits on the shower use as the cleaning lady gave me that look of, 'are you kidding me?' when I left the shower area but trust me, she was better off for me having done it. Nobody deserved to be around me before that shower.

It was still early so I headed to the breakfast area where I pretty much ate my weight in dim sum. What a great way to start the day. But even after these events, I still had four hours to kill till the magic kingdom opened. What to do, what to do.

So I grabbed a train and went into Kowloon to walk around and just get a feel for the place again.

It's funny how quickly you can get your bearings in a city you've been to before. I still remembered the major streets like Nathan, Jordan and Austin and made my way around. A few observations about Kowloon:

• Why is there always water dripping down into the street from some unknown source above? No matter which street you find yourself on, there is water dripping like a leaky faucet and you find yourself jumping out of the way as if it were acid about to hit you.
• Side note to the first observation: I watched World War Z on the way to Hong Kong and from it I learned that should any of that devil water get in my mouth, I would need to count to 12 to see if I would 'turn' (A.K.A. turn into a zombie). Apparently, if I felt that special tingling that indicates the turn is coming, I should blow my brains out to prevent myself from being a burden on mankind. So no worries world, I know the drill now and I'm ready to take myself out if needed (not really, you'd better run cuz I'm too scared to kill myself so I'll probably eat you)
• Fact: all known odors originate in Kowloon. I don't care what the odor is, it's made in China. Isn't everything though? I wonder what their goods say on the bottom of them. Instead of that sticker that says, "Made in China" does it just read, "Made here."
• The Chinese must have the best feet in the world. You'll never see more foot massage places per capita than you'll see in Hong Kong. Seriously, are they really THAT into getting their feet rubbed? Never done it myself so maybe I shouldn't bag on it until I try it. 

Ok, now onto Hong Kong Disneyland. First, there was the train.

This gets you excited that you're on your way. It's totally Disney inside and out.

Walking in you start to get that familiar Disney vibe. That is, until you get to the castle.

You've heard on things being on steroids? That's a common American phrase that means that something is larger than normal. In this case, the castle is on hydrocortisone creme (which means that it's been shrunk). You'd be able to see it better if it weren't for the demon that lives in the same spot where Walt Disney's statue resides in Disneyland. Kind of a strange substitute for Walt don't you think?

If you're a Disney fan it's pretty cool. They have three lands that don't exist in other places. The rides in them are very similar to rides you'll find at other parks but in the end, they are unique and only found here. My favorite is the Mystic Mansion.

It's a cross between the Haunted Mansion and Indiana Jones but with a fun, playfulness. The first time I rode it I wasn't that impressed as I was comparing it to the Haunted Mansion but then I rode it a couple more times (yes kids, there were NO lines) and I began to appreciate the nature of the special effects that were used. Very good indeed. The other thing I really liked was that they set up an old fashioned haunted house for Halloween.

The kind where you walk through and things jump out at you. Like all things Disney, the theatrical production was great! Each section was so well done. Aside from the initial shock of someone jumping out from time to time, it wasn't too scary though. Maybe it was because they were yelling at me in Chinese so their threats fell upon deaf ears. I just gave them all the 'I'm a dumb tourist' look and just kept walking while hoards of Chinese women clung to each other screaming (again in Chinese) and acting like that death water from the unknown source in Kowloon were about to be poured into their mouths.

Here's the entrance to Toy Story land:

Pshyco baby from Toy Story:

Me having the time O' my life in 'It's a Small World'. I wanted to prove to myself that this ride is annoying in any context. So far, my theory has proven to be true. 

My day finally came to a close and I made my way back to the airport, or home as I like to call it. Yes, just being dramatic as I feel like I've been on the road for years but it's only been 35 hours. Anywho, moving on. 

We arrived in Mumbai on time and the immigration experience wasn't bad at all. The airport is older but not bad in comparison to some other places I've been. Then, I walked outside. The air is heavy and hangs on you like a warm blanket. Even at 9:30 at night I could feel the sweat instantly start to bead upon my neck. 

Walking out of the airport you get a glimpse of what it must be like to be a rock start. Outside are dozens and dozens of people holding signs behind a railing all trying to get a look at you. That, combined with bright lights pointed towards the exit doors, you feel special. Let's face it, in India I am kind of special. Not special like I'm good. Special in that I'm different. I seem to stand about a head taller than anyone I've encountered so far and I think my skin tone has set new records for the color white.

Pulling into the hotel was another experience altogether. It is surrounded by high gates and at the entrance there are guards that are sweeping the car for bombs with those big mirrors on sticks. They all smile and give you that look like this is just another day but to me, it's a reality check that I'm not in California anymore. 

Rocket Man

4, 3, 2, 1, earth below us, Earth below us, Drifting, falling Floating weightless, Calling, calling home... (From Major Tom by Peter Schilling).


So I'm off. Sort of. I'm at the Cathay Pacific first class lounge in the San Francisco airport.



It's hot with the dim sound of clanging plates falling in all around me from the droves of people eating little sandwiches and downing drinks like they are going out of style. Don't they realize that we're getting on a 14 hour flight within the hour and soon after take off we'll be given a full meal? 

I'm not a 100% sure, but it looks like the lady across from me is taking pictures of me with her cell phone. I choose to believe this is the case and that she's not playing words with friends and instead texting photos of me to all of her friends. :)

24 hours till lift off

It's currently 10:30 pm PT which is exactly 24 hrs from the time I'll be leaving home for my epic journey to India. Leave at 10:30 at night you say? What the what? Yes, I'll be leaving at 10:30 at night to drive 40 mins to SFO airport where I'll wait for 1.5 hrs till my flight takes off at 1:00 am on Friday morning. Ugh.

There was a time in my life when I used to shower at 10:00 pm to go out for the night. Dancing from 11:00 - 3:00 followed by pancakes at Ihop till 4:30 am. I had little concern for sleep. Now, I live on the opposite side of the coin. I'm in bed by 10:00 where sleep finds me quickly. I'm up by 5:45 trying to fight the effects of age by battering myself at the gym each day and the thought of staying up past 10:00 just to catch a flight makes me sick. I LOVE SLEEP! Next to ice cream, it's one of the greatest joys life has to offer (sorry kids, I like ice cream more than you).

I try to take my mind off of things by playing with my new toy, Google Glass. Totally cool by the way.

I'll try and get some sleep. It's the last time I'll really sleep until I go to bed Saturday around 5:30 am PT.

Ready, set, don't want to go

I tend to travel for work. Sometimes more than I'd like to. I've grown tired of posting on Facebook, I'm not very good at Instagram and Snapchat is for perverts but I still need a way to share my stories with friends and family. Solution? Blogging! Heck, 1,000,000,000,000 stay at home mom bloggers can't be wrong. Fact, 90% of the dinners my wonderful wife makes come from blogs. This tells me that there must be some goodness in blogging so I'm going to give it a go.

First stop, Goa India. I'm speaking at the 2013 Gartner CIO summit there. No, I'm not a keynote speaker (so stop asking!). I'm one of the second-tier speakers but I'm the main Googler speaker so that must count for something (to someone). Anywho, it promises to be a great trip. Other than the following travel route:

Depart: Friday Oct 18th @ 1:00 am PT
Arrive Hong Kong Sat Oct 19th 6:00 am
11 hour layover (is that even possible?)
Depart: Hong Kong Sat Oct 19th @ 5:30 pm
Arrive: Mumbai, India Sat Oct 19th @ 9:10 pm (used to be Bombay, that's pretty cool)
Spend the night
Depart: Mumbai Sunday Oct 20th @ 12:10 pm
Arrive: Goa Sunday Oct 20th @ 1:00 pm

Hmmm. I think that's it. What happened to over the river and through the woods? I don't know which is worse. The 14 hours in coach to Hong Kong or the 11 hour layover once I get there. No need to fret. I've been to Hong Kong many times and will spend the day kicking around doing some things.

The fun starts in two days. I get to sleep in my own bed two more nights before I head out. Once I'm on the road I'm fine. It's the day or two before I leave where the dread starts to build. Is it wrong to still get homesick?