Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to play we go!

I returned from my Utah trip on Tuesday night. Two nights in my own bed was enough for me so I threw the kids in the car and headed off to the happiest place on earth. Yes, I'm talking about Disneyland. Stephanie was headed to Phoenix to go to Time Out for Women which is basically a formalized play date for grown women and an excuse to make the husbands of the world actually take care of their kids. My wife greatly underestimated my ability to take care of my children in their native environment leaving my kids the benefactors of an all-expense paid trip to see Uncle Walt.

The planning was flawless. Mass amounts of food for the drive down...check. DVD's in the car ready to pacify even the grumpiest of kids...check. iPod full of upbeat electro music to help me keep NASCAR pace....check. Bags packed....didn't really matter. Once we're there I could care less what they look like plus it's one less thing for me to worry about. Well, other than the fact that everyone MUST change their underwear once a day. I guess that's my one rule in life and it's worked pretty well for me so far.

We were set to leave Thursday after school when the kids got home. The time finally came and with the car packed and ready all I needed was the kids. One by one they came home excited and ready. We were taking Olivia's friend Megan with us so she was dropped off by her dad. I met them at the door and I did my best to present myself as a respectable adult to allay any fears that he might have about leaving his most precious of possessions in my care for three days. I greeted him with a firm handshake and looked him straight in the eyes. All was going to plan until Hailey came to the door and proclaimed, "My dad's like a race car driver when he drives to southern California."

What!??!?! While this might be true, you don't just tell other parents. She may as well have told him that I was going to do my best to kill his daughter. I held his stare with a feint smile and awaited his response. "Hmmm," he replied, "What's your best time?" Instantly the clouds broke and the sun shone through. A fellow racer! Still not wanting to scare him, I gave him the standard answer of six or seven hours to put his mind at ease. My kids know I can make the drive in 5.5 without even trying but why boast? No need to hurt his ego.

The only other obsticle was packing Megan's gear into the car. Not wanting anyone to feel bad I'll just say that she packed as much for herself as my entire family did. That's all I'm going to say. (but she always looks very nice due to wardroom options I presume)

We were off like a turd of hurtles.

Please note: dual potato chip bags to prevent arguments and DVD screen is down 5 mins into the drive. Also note that nobody was injured while taking this selfie.

The drive down was great. One stop totaling 10 mins with a total drive time of just over 5 hours. I was raised by a want-to-be trucker code named 'Rusty Nail' (that was my dad's CB handle when I was a kid. I still don't get it. Maybe it was because if you stepped on him he'd infect you?) Growing up in Texas we'd often drive from El Paso straight through to South Padre Island. A drive that used to take 16 - 18 hours so I was raised to pee in a cup and mystically hold my poop for days on end.  These life lessons have served me well and are now being passed on to my own children.

Just as we pulled into the Embassy Suits in Anaheim, little Kate told me she wasn't feeling well. I opened her car door to find her in the early convulsions of vomiting. Knowing that Stephanie wouldn't like the smell of vomit in her car I helped Kate escape the car just in time. She emptied the contents of her stomach all over the parking lot and oddly enough, it was the same color as the Ruffles BBQ potato chips she ate the whole way down. Is it a coincidence that we don't eat potato chips at home and she gets sick when I feed them to her? I choose to believe so.

The kids think the hotel is the best thing ever:

It has a little river through it with water falls and fish and walkways to explore. If I had known that was all it took to please them we could have stayed home and saved a trillion dollars. That night, Kate and I shared a bed and as we were falling asleep she told me that she had four reasons why she was glad I was with her. #1: I don't follow the rules. Her example for this was that I was sure to give them dessert during the day and not just once. She didn't bother sharing the other three reasons. Reason #1 seemed to be enough for her.

The next morning we woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast and made our way to the Magic Kingdom. We were in the park before it opened so we spent a few minutes setting the strategy for the day. Kate and I were decked out in our ears ready for a good time:

The line at the ropes was getting long:

Notice the familiar cup in the foreground. Starbucks has taken up residence on Main Street USA. I guess if it's really Main Street USA it should have a Starbucks, no?

We rode a few rides in Tomorrow Land including Space Mountain:

Energy levels were high and I had a warm fuzzy feeling because Kate asked to sit next to her big brother. That was a magic moment (no, they don't always get along).

Next up was Autopia. Hailey and I rode together. He smile was enough to make the whole trip worth while for me.

Now I should pause here a moment to explain that Olivia and Megan were no where to be found. If you've ever seen Chevy Chase's 'Funny Farm' and remember the scene where he first moves to the farm and buys that huge dog? Remember how when he lets the dog go for the first time in the back yard and the dog just runs away into the forest never to be seen again? Yeah, it was like that.

Day one ended at California Adventure. By the end of the day we had spent almost 12 hours in both parks and had ridden all major rides at least twice so it was a good day overall. I attribute much of the success of day one to mass quantities of sugar which can be found in various forms throughout the parks. Keep them on a sugar high and all is well. The only downside is when they crash they come down hard and become zombies. You can see the zombie come out in their eyes (notice Harrison's expressionless face - a true sign of a zombie):

It was a beautiful night and we headed back to the hotel.

Just after I took this photo we were walking across the bridge that spans the mini lake. Above the constant din of noise from the rides and riders I could hear a woman yelling. I couldn't quite make out what she was saying or where it was coming from. And then I saw her. There was a woman in her early 30's yelling at her husband, carrying a young child in her arms. I could hear her more clearly now. "You really don't care about your children!?! Your daughter is freezing and what are you doing about it?!" She didn't let up either. She kept going and going. It looked something like this:

My paced slowed to a crawl and the voyeur in me took over. How as this going to end? Was she going to hit him? The kids asked why I was going so slow. Not wanting to taint them I simply told them I was tired. Yeah, tired of missing other guys taking the heat more like it. It was like Disney was mixed with Jerry Springer. How do you walk away from that? Within minutes the Disney Magic police where there and asked her to calm down. Yeah, you can't yell at people in the magic kingdom. It ruins the atmosphere. If you want to yell at your husband go to Six Flags or Knottsberry Farms. They encourage that kind of activity there.

Day Two

Rise and shine! After a solid eight hours of sleep I was ready to go. The kids were a little slow to respond but were soon up and ate 'em and ready for breakfast.

(Notice the sugar based cereal in the bowl - have to start the day on the right foot.)

Breakfast was always interesting. My kids can really put down food when it's free and cooked by someone else. They ravaged the breakfast buffet but I felt okay with it as they all had at least one piece of fruit in addition to their 80 strips of bacon. Any day that starts with bacon is a good one. Remember that. Rule 1, change your underwear. Rule 2, eat bacon.

This was a Saturday and for some reason the crowds were really out:

Once again we were in the park before they allowed general access. We were close to the ropes as they prepared to open the park for the day. 10 minutes before they opened the crowd was loose and friendly. There was plenty of space to move around. 5 minutes before opening the feeling in the crowd started to change. People started to eye each other with caution. Sizing up the competition I think. 1 minute before opening, the crowd compresses as people jokey for starting positions. People seem less friendly. Moms tighten the laces on their well-worn running shoes often worn in their home town run club and pull their kids close for the final pep talks. "It's us or them," I hear one mid-west mom say to her 4 yr old son. Yeah, game on mid-west mom.

I have to give props to Disney for trying to control the mayhem of the morning opening bell. They have all hands on deck to control the crowd to prevent what would otherwise be a daily trampling of the weak willed people. As our tightly controlled crowd is walked to to most popular attraction in Cars Land, I can hear a man with a thick Scottish accent say, "How did we end up back here in the crowd? We were against the ropes until they opened the park." It's that kind of attitude and lack of aggressiveness that keeps England superior to the Scottish. As I left my Scottish friends in the dust, I dragged my kids to the front of the line in Cars Land to ride the most over hyped ride in the park. Done, check that off my list and then on to the other rides.

By 10:00 we had ridden the Cars ride and Soaring Over California twice. Not too bad. They were, however, somewhat tired.

It was time for some sugar.

The day progressed fairly well but by 1:00 the part was as crowded as a summers day. After lunch, the lines for the major rides were up to 45 or 60 mins long and given that we'd already ridden on them 3 -4 times nobody cared to wait. I found myself passing the time being fascinated by the strange people that come out in public:

Where's this girls mother? Oh, you can't see her bright pink hair either. Uncle Walt would freak out if he could see this. 

We ended the day after 8 hours in the park with some shopping. It was fun to see the stores decked out for Christmas. We then headed back to the hotel for some swimming and a yummy steak dinner at Outback.

My free-roaming daughter Olivia was still AWOL. She rolled into the hotel room that night at 12:45 and claims it was one of the best days ever. I'm so happy that she was able to experience a day of Disney freedom with one of her best friends. Those are the memories that will last her a lifetime. 

On the way home Harrison commented to me that I talk to a lot of strangers when I'm out in public. I had to call out to him that I wasn't the one that initiated those conversations. People just seem to want to talk to me. Whether in an elevator, in line or on a bus, almost everywhere we went people would talk to me. I think it's because I smile at everyone. Sometimes I wink slowly (JK) but mostly I just smile and people start talking to me. It's a lesson I hope my kids learn about life. 

Well, we're home now and I don't have any more trips for two weeks. Two weeks at home and Stephanie will probably ask me to leave again. For now, I just love being home. 

Rocky Mountain High

If you're a avid follower of my blog (and you know you are) you're thinking that I must have had a wonderful week at home after my trip to India. False. I actually spent a few days sequestered in a five star resort in Carmel California for a Google Sr. leadership offsite. The fact was that I was just too darn tired to blog. Sad life I know.

But it's a new week and I'm back on the road with a new attitude. Well, it's the same old bad attitude that I've always had but with a new found interest in posting on my travels. This week finds me high in the rocky mountains in Utah. I'm here for a couple of days of meeting with my HP counterparts as well as for some lectures at the Marriott School of Management. I am invited to come speak to marketing students a couple of times a year and share with them the wonderful world of sales and marketing through the Google lens. But I'm getting ahead of myself (which is easy to do as I'm often behind). Let's start on Monday morning.

5:00 am

BAM! The alarm goes off like the pistol at a track race you didn't even know you were in. I stumble out of bed trying to be as quite as I can. I throw myself into the shower and dress as quickly as I can. The race is on! And a race it is. The first part of the race is just getting to the airport. Living in the bay area traffic can be bad on any given day and just because I'm leaving at 5:30 am there are no promises that I'll get to the airport on time.

I do well, and get to the Oakland airport at 6:00 am (please don't do the math to determine my average speed required to get there in 30 min).  I park, already forgetting which isle I was in, and run into the airport to find this:

 My second race of the day. Being in the security line at 6:00 am is the best reality TV show EVER! People are who they really are. All facades are down as are patience levels and friendliness levels. I couldn't help smiling at people just to get a reaction. Most people viewed me with cautious concern. Turns out that I'm just a morning person so deal with it.

The flight was easy and quick and I soon found myself in Salt Lake City. Ugh. Where was the sun?

I'm beginning to feel my seasonal affective  disorder coming on.

I spent most of the day with HP going through our launch plans and our go to market strategy. Things are good. It looks like I'll be able to show some results to Google this year which is always a good thing.

I agreed to meet my buddy Scott at his offices at his new company Needle. It's a really cool new way to get fans of a company to sell for that company online. He's the President (I'm quite proud that I'm friends with the President) and we were going to meet to do a quick errand and then work on our presentation for the Marriott school.

Turns out that his errand was quite interesting. We had to go to a local warehouse to collect some promotional materials from a company that Needle's founder has invested in. When we got there, we were handed boxes and told to go pick out some merchandise. In this instance, this was socks.

These socks here are off the hook cool:

So we collect a few (hundred) pairs:

I take the least amount as I'm really only there for a ride along and it's all kind of strange for me but I keep picking socks and smiling. Today I'm wearing my LA Lakers socks. :)

This also turns out that this is the warehouse where Becky Higgins stores and ships her Project Life stuff:

Stephanie is into this stuff so I was really tempted to grab her some stuff for her but was assured that to do so was stealing. So in summary, socks = good, scrapbooking = bad.

That night, the Pulsipher family spent the evening sorting through their sock stash:

After a good nights sleep it was off to the main show. Scott and I arrived on campus at 11:00 am and began to roam campus. First to the Tanner building to find a bite to eat and go over our slides. As it turns out, it was a devotional day so all the food places were closed. Bummer. Maybe, just maybe, there would be food available in the student union which is called the Wilkinson Center. We hike across campus and out of the corner of my eye I see something falling. Wait, was that snow?!? Where am I and why am I here? I like warm weather. I was raised in a desert for Pete's sake!

Lucky for me, it was just some flurries and nothing too bad. Upon entering the student Union I felt like I was being taken back in time. Back in the 80's, or the good old days as they are known to my kids, I was a student here and the building looks pretty much the same now as it did then. Not such a big deal you might think but the problem is that even back then, I remember thinking that it looked like it was 30 years past due for a major remodel. At this point, my advice to the school is to just hang on. At some point it will become retro, vintage or whatever euphemism you want to use to indicated that it's finally back in style.

We get there just as they are opening the food court. I grab a table while Scott heads over to grab us some burritos (courtesy of Taco Bell). I'm now head's down in my Chromebook working on some slides and I hear the tones of various BYU acapella groups performing in the nearby atrium. Why is it that college students think that they can harmonize without music? This urge has been scientifically proven to leave the human body in the late 20's. If you are in your 30's and still think you're a candidate for Pitch Perfect II, seek help.

One of the groups starts to canvas the food court passing out flyers. As they approach my table I can hear them talking to the other students. "Like us on Facebook and come see us tonight!" This pitch goes from table to table until they get to me. Without looking up I can see that they notice me, quickly assess that I'm well beyond the natural limit for what can be acceptable as cool, and they make a wide arc around my table and pick up their campaign on the other side of me. Whatever. Like I wanted to 'Like' you on Facebook anyway. (sniff)

In the end, all problems are solved with a Taco Bell bean and cheese burrito. I consume the warm goodness of my lunch as Scott and I make our way to our lecture hall. The conversation along the way goes something like this:

Me: Dude, hand me my soft taco
Scott: What soft taco.
Me: The one I asked you to buy me
Scott: I just ate it

Not the end of the world but I really wanted that taco.

I had to push that pain way down and gear up for the lectures. 750 kids sitting on the edge of their seats waiting to hear what we had to say:

Well, maybe that's not exactly what happened. There were that many students but if you factor out the ones that weren't face down in a laptop or smartphone or asleep, we have like 50 students looking at us. (well, maybe a few more than that were paying attention).

My favorite part of the fist lecture was at the end I was swarmed by students wanting to get more information from me. Questions ranged from have I used the new Nexus 5 to the standard question of how do I get a job at Google? My thrill came from looking up into the crowd around me and seeing the familiar face of Tanner Skousen. Tanner is like my second cousin twice removed cubed or something like that. He's the son of Stephanie's cousin Julie and her husband Rick. We love Julie and Rick and by the transitive properties of logic, we love Tanner. It made me smile to see that he was in the class and that he made time to say hi. Such a thrill. As a side note, Stephanie and I were entrusted to baby sit Tanner when he was 5 months old. Steph and I were just dating at the time and found the activity of making out quite thrilling and spent our time 'baby sitting' smooching and generally leaving baby Tanner to his own devices. It was then that we learned that babies are capable of rolling off the bed. Man, babies are resilient! I insist that Tanner is the man that he is today BECAUSE and not in spite of the fact that we let him roll off the bed. (Your welcome Tanner)

The second lecture was much like the first. The only different was that instead of having Tanner surprise me with a visit, I was surprised with a question I didn't expect. I called on one guy during the Q&A time and his question was, "So Hank, you look pretty ripped. Do you use the Google gym?" Yes, I am a TOTAL narcissist but it's still kind of freaky to have another guy call me ripped in front of a crowd of strangers. Thankfully, since I was speechless, Scott was there to save me with the quick response of, "If you want I can take a picture with his shirt off later tonight."

It was fun to present and to get to spend time with Scott. He ended up following me home as he has meetings in San Francisco tomorrow so he's asleep downstairs as I type. It's fun to get to spend time with him. This should become a habit.