A Cold Nor'easter

(EDITOR's NOTE: This trip entry is really late. Christmas who-ha threw me off schedule. I'll be better in 2014)


I was asked in early December to attend an event in Providence, RI to speak about Google technology to a group of regional re-sellers and potential customers. While I'm always excited to meet with customers and our partners, I was really excited to get a chance to get to the north east during the Christmas holidays. Even though we're having cold weather at home, it just feels more like Christmas in the north east.


The only problem with traveling this time of year is that it's almost unheard of to not have delays. Keeping on track with this tradition, my trip started with a delay in San Jose. I arrived at 6:40 for a 7:45 flight. I get through security with no problems and get to the gate where I find 150-ish grumpy looking people.

I've found that people tend to be grumpy when traveling early so I didn't think anything of it. How could things be bad? I was upgraded to first class, the skies were clear, we're the originating flight so there was no risk of a late arrival to wait on. The world was looking good.


One thing the universe has taught me is that when something looks too good to be true, it usually is. Well a big fat thank you to the universe cuz that's what happened here. I was soon clued in that our flight would be delayed because there was frost on the wings and the American Airlines de-icer wasn't working. They were trying to borrow one from Southwest or Delta but weren't sure if they would get one.



<Warning: rant ahead>


Okay, here is what really perturbs me about this. It's not like the sub-freezing weather just hit the bay area out of no where. We've been having nightly frost for weeks so there is NO excuse for not having that equipment working. The reality is that the airline pencil pushers in Dallas decided that it was less expensive to deal with the delays than to fix the equipment. Maybe so, but they didn't count on the online wrath they'd face from me! Boom! They probably just lost a flight booking somewhere from someone reading this and deciding they don't want to deal with an airline like that. Okay, rant over.


So, they board us at 7:30 saying that once the sun comes up it will thaw the wings and we'll be off. 30 min delay max. Fast forward to 9:00 am and we're still sitting on the plane, pulled away from the gate with our nose pointing into the rising sun. Like an orphan from Oliver, "May we have some more sunlight please?" We just sat there while plane after plane from other airlines took off. We were laughed at by the other flights as they passed us by on their way to their on-time arrivals and cheery family reunions. Turns out that just because the sun comes up doesn't mean the air temp breaks 32 degrees. So continue to sit we did. I could have gone out with my credit card and scraped the ice off faster if they'd let me.


So around 9:30 we take flight and I'm trying my best to be grumpy. They brought me breakfast after closing the sheer screen that tells the people behind you that you're better than they are. The screen creates a physical barrier but still allows them to see that I'm getting a meal while they are left with little cups of juice. So I started to eat while thinking of the nasty letter I was going to pen to the president of AA. I start to form the words in my mind but I'm easily distracted. Is that fresh fruit? I love cantaloupe. What's that? Muffin or hot biscuit? I'll take the biscuit please. Wait a tick, is that sun dried tomatoes and grilled asparagus in my quiche?

Oh yeah, where was I on that letter to AA. "Dear Mr. President of AA, thank you so much for the wonderful breakfast. Keep up the good work. Warmest wishes, Hank." Wait, was that what I intended to do? Who cares, they're starting 'Despicable Me 2' - I love that show!


Due to the magic of tail winds we arrive in Chicago one hour late and not the full two hours we lost on the ground in San Jose. By my calculations my connection should just be boarding when we land and from what they just announced, my connecting gate is literally across from our landing gate AND that I was once again upgraded to first class. The sun was finally shining on good ol' Hank Humphreys. Things were looking good again.

(Notice the sun shining on me)

Hold on, did something just change on the display? We should be boarding right now for a 3:20 departure and the board says DELAYED: 4:10. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Universe: 2, Hank: 0.


What can you do to make yourself feel better when stranded during winter traveling? Find and then eat (emphasis on the eat) the BIGGEST chocolate chip cookie you can find. A huge shout out to Starbucks for being there when I needed them. I mean, really, what are the odds that I'd find a Starbucks when I need them? (for those that don't know me, that is sarcasm)

In reality an extra hour was no big deal. After all, the sheer screen of social separation would once again be pulled notifying everyone of my superior status making little inconveniences such as this bearable.


Strangely, from there things were good. We landed in Boston without a problem and I was even the first one off the plane. When I walked out of the terminal the bus to the rental car facility was about to leave but stopped to let me on and the rental car process was quick and easy. I was on my way to Providence. Okay, I need to confess that with the confusion of trying to get on the right freeway I ended up heading into a toll plaza. I had no cash and little time to think.


Option 1: Move over to the far right (cash lane) and have a rational conversation with the attendant admitting I don't have cash.


Option 2: Move to the far left fast pass lane and go through as quickly as possible in the hopes that the camera won't get a clear shot of my license.



Option 2 it is!


I'm not that worried about it. Massachusetts is such a liberal state that they probably don't really make you pay anyway. It's just part of their slippery slope to a socialist state. :)


I awoke the next morning, to pull back the curtains to discover that I was in a magically land full of history and old buildings and stuff:

I was able to drive around a bit before my meetings started. What a great place! Narrow streets, but really cool.


I spent the day working with our partners and preparing for the event that evening. The city mayor and one of the senators from RI was there. Before you get all excited, they are a small state and I think everyone gets a turn at being a senator. They just do a rotation or something.


I did the standard dog and pony show (it would have been really cool if I actually had a pony there) and then we had dinner. The best part of the night was how excited everyone was to see my pair of Google Glass. I had people lined up wanting to try them on and play with them. I do love the magic of Google products.


I excuse myself at 9:00 to get on the road to NYC. A big part of my trip was getting to see the Esposito family the next day before I fly home. Joe has been one of my closest friends for over 20 years and I love his family. I enter the address to my hotel in Queens and off I go! Thank you Google Maps!


I'm cruzing down I-95 listening to a wide variety of music. Stations come in and out of range quickly there so I find myself constantly looking for the next great song. Google maps estimates that it will take close to 3 hours to get there. Game on Google Maps! Don't you know that I can make the San Francisco to LA run in less than 5 hours! (It's the earthly equivalent of making the the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs) I was determined to get there as quickly as possible. Google Maps says that it's 171 miles so if you do some basic math you can determine the average rate of speed needed to get there in two hours. It was pretty straight forward but somewhat difficult. They kept trying to throw me off by posting all these fake signs about 55 mph speed limits. Like anyone would fall for that. We haven't had 55 mph speed limits out west since like the 80's so I knew the signs couldn't be real. Since I didn't see any other signs I figured that meant I was free to self govern my speed (remember, the North East is hippy/socialist country so they let you do what you want). My math skills were spot on and within 2 hours and 10 mins I found myself navigating the freeways of Queens.




A little note on Queens, NY. I have determined that the borough was named Queens for the same reason that Greenland was named Greenland and not Iceland. They're trying to fool you into going there. You hear the name Queens and you think of an elegant place that is full of proper and polite people. Instead you find the gritty industrial sister to Brooklyn.




It was at 11:30 pm that my phone decided to die. It had lead me close to the hotel but not all the way there and abandoned me in a dark shadowy part of town with no TGI Friday's to poke my head into for directions. I remembered a small amount of detail from the map and thought that I could remember the street name for the hotel if I saw it so I started to slowly crawl my way through the side streets. Back and forth I went for 30 mins and then I saw it! The wonderful Residence Inn.

I walked inside and found myself in the ever-so-familiar surroundings of a Marriott property. I was greeted with a bottle of water and chocolates to thank me for my loyalty (it's the hotel equivelant of the sheer screen of social separation - other guests watched in awe as I slowly ate my chocolate realizing they'd have to pay at least $1 to get such a wonderful treat). Upon arriving in my room I quickly fell asleep as it was well past midnight.


With a reasonably good sleep under my belt, I awoke fresh and ready to meet the Esposito family.

Bella is just a princess and little Ruby is SO beautiful. I wish I could see more of them. 

After a wonderful breakfast at a local cafe, I was off to the airport and home. It's nice to be home again. This time, it's for Christmas and New Years. Stay tuned in January for trips to OH and Sydney to kick off 2014! For now, however, it's time for some rest and relaxation. (Like that's going to happen over Christmas break)